Jefferson drinks a Red Bull mid-race, sprints ahead to victory

Thomas Jefferson did his best Abe Lincoln impression tonight at Nationals Park, sprinting out ahead of the other presidents for an early lead. Lacking Abe’s stamina, Tom paused to catch his breath, but fortunately he had can of Red Bull handy, drank it down, and then sprinted past his opponents again to run away with a Nationals presidents race victory.

“Honest” Abe hasn’t been himself since getting helped off the field Tuesday night.

TJ’s victory forced a rare 3-way tie atop the presidents race standings, marking the first time in more than 2 years that Teddy Roosevelt can lay claim to 2nd place …sort of.

Video courtesy of YouTube user lfahome

Teddy disqualified for cheating in walk-race

Last night at Nationals Park, the racing presidents honored the Olympics by running that most difficult of track events — the walk race. After it was announced that walk race rules were in effect, the racing presidents took off — slowly — in a painful demonstration of speed-walking while wearing a 10-foot costume.

Perhaps Teddy Roosevelt was sympathetic to the umpires’ desire to start the 5th inning, but before the pack had even reached the right field corner, he decided to take things into his own hands.

The Nationals Park crowd roared with approval as Teddy cut the outfield corner and broke into a sprint for the finish line. Of course, that buzzkill Screech was there to issue an immediate disqualification, and Thomas Jefferson was granted the victory.

Where is Screech to throw the flag when Abe cheats?

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